We're All In This Together

Identity

After all these years, it's finally caught up to me. I don't get it. I don't know who I am. No one does. What defines me? I don't know. Where am I from? I also don't know. Sometime I long for being able to answer in one or two words where I am from. This is probably just something that comes with moving around as a kid. It sucks not knowing where you're from or where to call home. Having lived in basically 5 different places in my life, it's hard to explain everything I've been through.

That being said, people who know where they are from should hold onto that. They should hold onto their identity as tight as they can, not allowing it to slip away - cause once it's lost you aren't getting it back. Although the people around them will inevitably shape who they are, their identity - their roots - shouldn't change. However, in my case, I suppose I have never had roots or an identity to begin with.

One of my friends told me that entering into a culture is a hard and difficult process. You have two options: to assimilate or to isolate yourself. However, option b is complete suicide. There is no way anyone can live like that. So that only leaves me one option. It's not going to be fun. It's probably going to hurt much more than it ever has before, but I've asked for it.

Was it worth it?

Welcome to our generation. We are a generation that's grown up using technology. We've been exposed to the world with just a click of a mouse. Born with a laptop in one hand and an Ipod in the other, and Bluetooth in my right ear. This is our generation. To me, it seems that technology has allowed for us to be exposed to so much more than previous generations. It is no longer necessary to pay for a telegram to be sent to your friends in Europe. We're able to send a message to loved ones anywhere around the world and recieve a response in just a few seconds. However, we've lost so much in this. The art of using elbow grease to fix that brake pad on your car is no longer necessary, so we have to go down the street to the mechanic. Ironically, we've lost ground through our creations in ways. We created cars to eliminate the methane put out from horses, but now we've just created a bigger problem. We created helmets for football, but now football players have more serious back problems as there is no "risk" in playing in such a fashion now. We created Ritalin for those who have ADD, but it's not uncommon to hear of intellectuals using them to "boost their mental capacity". In the end, however, they suffer major mental problems. This just goes to show that sometimes advancement isn't always advancement. In designing new products, we have to question what harm it can bring and what good it will bring. Sometimes, it may not be worth it.

7 Weeks Later.

So here I am after 7 weeks of being in a relatively foreign country and I've come to one realization: that I am neither American nor Chinese. Culture and backgrounds are things that interest me. After seeing how culturally different the people from Mainland China are really like, I've come to realize that I am not Chinese. Certain things are just so basic such as seeing life as a collective group rather than as a single This collective mentality is lost upon me and my American upbringing. However, to overlook the fact that I have also been raised and lived in Asian societies for more than a third of my life would be to say that I am American. Then again, I am not Asian-American because I'm just so vastly different from all my culturally Asian-American friends (Obviously, I am an Asian that holds an American passport). I am at the crossroads between two cultures, attempting to determine which route I belong on. So I've come to conclude that I am what I define as a cosmopolitan: a person that is associated with many cultures, but is not rooted in one.

Although this I believe does define me, it isn't a bad thing. I have experienced so much culturally and seen so much. I have encountered so much more than most people see in their lifetimes. I have been able to experience the East and the West. I am able to see the differences between their backgrounds and the way they think. In this way, it is a great experience to be exposed to so much. However, it leaves me with questions. Who am I? What defines me?

What's Gone Through My Head

So the school year is nearly over. I'm so close to the end and so much has happened:

• College. College is really not as most people put it off to be. College is just a place where people come together and drink together and create "brotherhood". "Brotherhood" where we can share about how we all got wasted and don't remember what happened last night. College is just a meeting ground for us to exchange booze and be happy. That's pretty much what I've gathered that college is. On the other hand, it has been an eye-opening experience. College is a place where knowledge can be gathered and shared together. What we put into it is what we get out of it. I've learnt so much from my work position in the VADER Lab, from my campus minister, and from my friends.
  
  
• Friendships have been made. Friendship, to me, is an exploration of yourself and others in a group community. To have true friendship, you must be willing to be pried open and be seen as you are. To It was a humbling experience. Now, I think it was worth it. The people I know now I hope I will maintain a relationship with for a long time.
  
  
• Grades. I've begun to realize that grades are not and never have been a measure of intelligence. Sure, the intelligence or rather the premature knowledge of a subject matter can make a class easier. It is about the effort that is put into it.
  
  
• Passion. Things are worthless if you aren't passionate about it. What good is it to you if you aren't passionate about something. So why bother doing something that you couldn't care less about? Why do something if you're just going to half-ass it up?
  
  
• God. God has become something real for me. It isn't this figurine that I can pull out of my pocket. No more, my conclusion about passion has led me to this. If I'm going to follow a god or something, I might as well do it wholeheartedly. If I don't, what's the point? There is no point.

Failure

We've all failed in something that we've done whether that be not properly knowing how to ride a bike, or having destroyed someone's expectations of you. Ironically, this is the thing that pushes me forward. When I fail, it prods me on to do better. However, when I excel, I grow lazy and prideful in what I've done. Perhaps, failure is our sign that we're only human. We can't do everything alone. However, as I think about it, failure is really just a perspective. As I watched the movie Friday Night Lights, this quote really hit me.

Coach Gary Gaines: Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didnt let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasnt one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, with joy in your heart? If you can do that gentleman - you're perfect!

With that in mind, I think we can be perfect. Perfection is a thing that requires discipline. I suppose if we can attain perfection, it begs the question: who are we striving to be perfect for? Is it for ourselves or something more? At the end of the day, I doubt the world will really care if a perfect man died...

A Short Poem...

Glazed Eyes

There it stood under the stained glass window,
Peering down at us from its exalted position.
We searched those glazed eyes for a hint of humanity.
We found nothing.
Eyes are windows unto one’s soul, or so they say.
If this is true, these windows are boarded up.
Peer into them and see the emptiness, the lifelessness.
There’s no hint of compassion, no love, no life, nothing.
We’ve become actors, pretenders.
With a veil of deceit placed over our eyes.
A veil that we’ve put on ourselves.
We’ve become the best actors in the world.
We’ve convinced ourselves of our roles.
Do we realize what we’ve done?
What are we doing? Do we know? Will we ever?

This was spurred by one of my friends. So I wrote this as I thought about myself and the people around me. We've let things invade our lives. We worship things: religion, school, friends, relationships, acceptance. Whatever it may be, I'm sure have idols of all sorts. It's all so temporary.