Genuine Love?

Just this last week, I realized that the people I was with were those that I cared the most about. If I was to make a list of people that I cared about most important to least, I have no doubt these people would be at the very top of my list. It's strange really. These are the people that probably cause the most conflict in my life, but I really think that I genuinely care for them. I mean I genuinely care about a lot of people, but I would do anything for these people in particular. It's funny.

Although these people piss me off the most - it generally takes a lot to get me angry I think/hope - I still care about them the most. They may piss me off, but, in the end, I just get over it and it's as if from that experience we've grown. Is this what genuine love is? It never gives into the problems that arise and is selfless. Sometimes, I think that I may never be able to forgive them for what they've done, but, in the end, I learn to come to terms with it and it's back to normal.

I wonder if this love is just reciprocated because they loved me first. On the other hand, relationships are a two way thing. So perhaps, it isn't the case. Maybe, it's because I look up to these people and seek their advice. Or perhaps it really is this selfless love that we all strive to give to others. One day, hopefully, I'll be able to extend a love like this to everyone around me.

I think love should really be an unconditional overflowing of forgiveness and wisdom. Forgiveness that is willing to accept anything that has happened. However, wisdom is present to understand what is the appropriate response to everything is. This is what we should all strive to attain. Unfortunately, wisdom comes with time. Hopefully I won't be too old to really understand what love is before I begin to truly extend this love to the people around me.

Masks

The people we depict ourselves to be are so different from the people we actually are on the inside. For the longest time, I've always thought that it was cool to be just an emotionless shell of a person. Now I know, it's not. It's not cool, nor interesting to be that person. It isn't interesting to suppress your feelings. Relationships go so much deeper when we're honest with others and actually say what's on our mind. Despite this, we're often expected to hide our insecurities, fears, and the flaws in our character.

A lot of times, we're asked, "How are you?". The proper response to this question is something along the lines of "Good. And yourself?" despite the fact that you just happened to bomb a final. It's sad really that we must put on this mask of strength in front of others and have pity on ourselves behind a closed door. I'm sure that the world wouldn't be a better place if everyone responded with bitter remarks about why their world is collapsing on them. However, I think it would be a better place if people would respond honestly.

On the other hand, there is a time for everything; it wouldn't be wise for you to break down to your boss, but it is okay you to tell them that you are having a bad day. There is a social context for everything and it is a matter of discernment - which comes from wisdom and experience.

Regret

There are numerous times I've done things that I really shouldn't have - like that time I chased my brother down that hill by our house, or that time I didn't realize what I had said, or that time I grabbed the hand of someone thinking it was my grandfather... The list just goes on and on. Initially, I regret them. Then, I learn to live with them and realize that all these things have caused me to become the person I am today. So I don't really regret them, but at the time I do.

Is it possible to live life without regret? I don't think it is. Most of the time, we regret something that we've done initially and then realize what it's made us in retrospect. Thus, we don't regret it, but it is because we have seen where it has brought us and how we've grown through the experience. Personality is brought about by these sets of regrets and joys that we experience. Who we are comes from this emotional roller-coaster of what we have done in our lives.

The only way that we can never regret is if we had a road map - which we were satisfied with - to our life and understood that every step we took brought us closer to our destination. If it did not bring us any closer to our destination, then we would regret what we've done. Too bad, we don't have a personal GPS to tell us what to do in every situation. However, if we did most of us would just follow that road map and would never be able to experience things for that they really are. They would all just be another thing that we expected.

A Simple Question

This is a poem written by Nic Bommarito who has pretty sweet music. His writing is interesting. This piece was written during his college years in University of Michigan. His work is pretty interesting. Check it out: http://www.nicbommarito.com/

Live Today

As a kid, I've always longed to be an adult with the liberty to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Being surrounded by two older brothers, I saw how exciting things would be as I got older. For instance, I saw how much freedom came along with turning 18 and getting a driver's license. However, I've obviously aged and grown wiser - I hope. I've seen those days fly by and now I realize the misconceptions that I've had as a kid. Life does not start tomorrow, the monumental day you graduate from high school, or even when you turn 21. It started the minute you became conscious of your surroundings and able to make decisions for yourself.

It is a pity that so many of us sit around dreaming of the future. It is true that there are certain things you must go through before you can attain the ideal future. However, it is foolish to waste our time and let it rot as we daydream about what we could be. We should be proactive and take advantage of what we have around us. It's a shame that so many people I see struggle to make it through college and can only think of what they want to do once they get out. I don't think it should be that way. They should be doing what they love in college and when they get out of college, whether that be building things or changing the world. Understandably, some things may be difficult to start, but why should that stop you from doing what you love?

Wanderers

Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what I want. Actually, it is always hard to know what I want We're so fickle as human beings. If only there was a checklist of things to do so we just start ticking off the boxes and saying this creates happiness, this makes me content. If only life was that simple. Or maybe if it was just a matter of rolling a set of dice, we'd all be happy cause we'd know that what we got was just a mere chance of fate.

As I was talking to one of my professors, he offered me a position in his lab. However, what mattered to him and what matters to me is what I want to do in the future? If I didn't intend to pursue a career in research, being in his lab would be a waste of my time and his - to a certain extent. Really, though, I'm at that point in time - once again - where I need to figure out my direction.

What do we want to accomplish? So often, we just wander through life aimlessly, hands stretched out in front of us reaching, grasping for something tangible - but really, we're just lost and hopeless wanderers - attempting to find direction. I suppose that's really what happened. I'm just a sperm that happened to wander in an ovary. I developed into a fetus who happened to wander out of my mother's womb and now here I am wandering once again. So what should I do?

Singing Songs

I've never felt the same way before. Being packed in a room with 2000 people, there was an amazing sense of connection between everyone. We watched in awe and amazement as Porcupine Tree performed. There's nothing quite like hearing and experiencing the same thing as an entire group of people, whilst singing along to words like "I just want to be loved" or "I'm dying of love but it's okay". It's definitely something that everyone should experience. It's just an amazing connection that people make with one another during this short interval of time by connecting through the same music. I've been to a lot of concerts and this was by far the best one I've ever been to. Although I didn't do one thing that I wanted to do: smell Steven Wilson's breath.

Photos courtesy of Joe del Tufo.